


Yuuri Drops

by phlintandsteel



Series: No Pain Healthy D/s Verse [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aftercare, Dom/sub, Happy Ending, M/M, Top Drop, Trigger Warning Erotic Asphyxiation, discussion of medication, erotic asphyxiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10842117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phlintandsteel/pseuds/phlintandsteel
Summary: Victor asks for something in not really the best way possible.  Just because you're communicating doesn't mean it's healthy communication.





	Yuuri Drops

**Author's Note:**

> Please, for the love of god, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS.

Yuuri loved riding his husband's cock. There was just something delicious about the control it gave him over the situation, while still getting to be the one being filled. He would often times take a moment before he started, to just rock his hips down against Victor's pelvis, enjoying the feel of it buried inside him. If they were going to have sex without a scene being involved, then Yuuri was usually the one on the receiving end.

Victor certainly never had a problem with Yuuri climbing on and taking what he needed. His husband's body flexing and gyrating above him was a delight that he would never get tired of watching. One of Victor's favorite things in life was getting to rest his hands on Yuuri's hips as they worked themselves over his cock.

“ _God_ , Yuuri,” Victor panted, his fingers flexing over sweat slicked skin. “Oh, fuck...”

“Hmm? Do you have a request, sweetheart?” Yuuri purred teasingly as he leaned forward. He knew exactly how crazy it drove his husband to be ridden a certain way. “Should I slow down? Hm? Make you beg?” Yuuri prompted.

Victor continued to pant beneath him for a moment, looking like he was working up his courage. Then he looked Yuuri straight in the eye and asked, “Choke me?”

Yuuri blinked, taking a second to make sure he'd really heard what he thought he had. “I... Victor...are you sure?” he asked, stopping altogether atop him.

Victor nodded, still breathing hard. There was a light of hesitant excitement in his eyes. “I've wanted it, for a while now. It's too hard to ask when I'm down though?” Victor confessed, his hands running up and down Yuuri's sides. It was less of a comforting motion than it was one that urged him to keep going.

As much as Victor loved being lead around by his tie, it wasn't exactly something that surprised Yuuri, now that he thought about it.

“Hands on my hips,” he ordered.

Immediately Victor's hands snapped back down to them, holding tight in anticipation.

Yuuri caressed his sub's throat with one hand, a tender motion, but holding the promise of so much more in that moment. Victor stretched his chin upward, baring the entire column of his neck to his dom. A surge of some undefinable emotion ran through Yuuri, feeling his husband's body _trembling_ beneath him in submission. “Let go if it's too much, ok? Try it,” Yuuri instructed, rocking his hips gently.

Obediently, Victor released his hold on Yuuri. As soon as Yuuri felt the grip slacken, he moved his hand off Victor's throat. “Again,” he said, making him repeat it. Usually their signals required Victor to _do_ something, like speak or squeeze... For this delicate of a situation though, Yuuri knew it was better to have it be that he _stopped_ doing something instead. He put his hand over Victor's throat once more, removing it as soon as his husband's hands let go.

Yuuri resumed a slow rhythm, sliding up and down Victor's rock hard erection. “Are you ready, Vitya?” he asked, trailing his fingers lightly down Victor's neck.

“ _Yes_. God yes. _Green_ ,” Victor answered, his voice thick and needy.

Being pretty sure the main point of all this was to come while unable to breath, Yuuri built up his pace again, teasing over the skin of his sub's throat occasionally.

“Please,” Victor asked, that fine tremble still running through his limbs.

Yuuri had never seen him so turned on that he was shaking for it before. He pressed down right and tightened his grip, watching Victor's face carefully as his air supply was cut off. Victor's eyes widened immediately as soon as he realized it was happening. Then he went down, _hard_. His sub's grip never wavered on Yuuri's hips though, so Yuuri counted to five just like he'd intended. As soon as he let go, Victor drew in a gulping breath.

Yuuri's rhythm faltered.

Victor squeezed his hips encouragingly, fingertips digging in harder for a second. Every breath he let out was formed as a noise of extremely turned on agreement with the situation. “M-More,” Victor pleaded a few seconds later, his eyes hazy but grip firm.

“Vitya...” Yuuri couldn't help but increase his pace, pleasure zinging through his veins at hearing the begging tone. He let Victor draw in a few more panting breaths, then closed his hand around the man's throat again. He counted to ten this time.

Victor came at six.

When he realized Yuuri wasn't letting go as his orgasm hit, Victor's eyes widened again, tears leaking out the sides of them. His grip on Yuuri's hips was _bruising_ , so Yuuri continued to ride him through it, his own orgasm so close he could taste it. When he finally let go of Victor's throat, the man took in an actual _gasp_ , stuttered and raw. His sub gave out a ragged sound to the air between them.

Yuuri came.

He held himself down over Victor's cock, which was still pulsing inside him, coming all over his sub's stomach and chest. Yuuri came, his whole body shaking with the sudden emotion that flooded him. He wasn't quite sure what to do with it, in all honesty. He pushed it aside though, focusing on Victor. The man was down deep, laying completely limp as he drew in breath after breath. Yuuri slid off of his length, cuddling him close to his chest immediately. For some reason he was _terrified_ that Victor would drop, though he seemed to have enjoyed every moment of it.

Yuuri tried to stroke Victor's back like he normally would, but his hands were still shaking. He felt like he was forgetting something?... It was all he could do to cling to Victor in that moment, just breathing with him. He told himself to just keep breathing through it, for Victor's sake.

Shit.

He was supposed to clean them up afterward.

But if he left Victor's side to grab a washcloth, he _would_ drop, Yuuri just knew it... Yuuri bit his lip, realizing he was a total failure as a dom. Who screwed up something so basic? And now Victor was going to suffer because of it. First Yuuri had hurt him, and now he couldn't even be counted on to clean him up like he was supposed to.

“Mmm,” Victor stirred beside him, nosing against Yuuri's neck, “Pet me?”

Of course he wanted that, that was their normal routine, and Yuuri was fucking it up. Yuuri took a deep breath, trying to force his pulse to calm down. His hands were still shaking though as he ran them through Victor's hair.

“Yuuri?” Victor said his dom's name questioningly as he opened his eyes. He could feel the tremor in his husband's touch. As soon as he saw the hollow look on Yuuri's face, he knew something was very wrong. Victor scooted up so they were on the same level, knowing they needed to be equals right now as much as possible. Yuuri's gaze dropped down to Victor's neck, his eyes widening.

Oh.

Victor wondered if there was a mark left there, but his train of thought was cut short by Yuuri's face _shattering_.

“S-Sorry,” Yuuri forced out, suddenly sobbing so hard that Victor was surprised he could even speak at all. “I-I'm _s-so_ s-sorry.”

“ _Yuuri_ ,” Victor said, pulling him close. He realized, belatedly, exactly what was happening, and that it was completely his fault. “Shhh, my love, don't apologize,” Victor rubbed his husband's shaking form. “I shouldn't have asked for something like that without talking about it first. I'm the one who should be apologizing,” Victor admitted, hoping at least some small part of Yuuri would hear him. “I'm so sorry, Yuuri,” he murmured as his love sobbed against him.

For a long time, Victor just held his husband tight while he cried. Eventually, the tears abated, but Yuuri didn't look any better for having cried this time.

“I'm such a horrible person,” Yuuri said quietly.

It was like he hadn't heard a word Victor had said to him.

“Yuuri, you're _not_. You're amazing,” Victor countered, so, so mad at himself inside for not having realized this might happen.

“I _hurt_ you,” Yuuri cried, “And...and I _came_ ,” he said like he was admitting to having committed murder.

“Look at me, Yuuri,” Victor tipped his dom's head up so they could see each other's eyes. “You did what I asked. It didn't hurt. You _did not_ hurt me, ok?” he said firmly, keeping a hold of Yuuri's chin. Yuuri searched his eyes, but then his gaze fell down to Victor's neck again. “I'm just fine, my love,” Victor reiterated. He brushed at the tears on Yuuri's face, wiping them away with gentle fingers.

“Are you sure?...” Yuuri looked like he was going to cry again.

“I'm completely sure. If there's even a mark, I'm sure it will be gone by morning,” Victor told him. He hadn't seen his neck yet, but he didn't feel anything that could become an issue.

“You can breathe ok?” Yuuri asked, closing his eyes and wincing a little, as if he knew how silly it sounded to be asking it _now_ , but couldn't help it.

“I'm breathing just perfectly, my love,” Victor said, taking hold of Yuuri's hand and placing it over his chest. He took a deep breath so Yuuri could feel the movement of it, repeating the action a few times when it visibly calmed his husband. After a few moments of watching and feeling Victor draw calm, steady breaths, Yuuri slumped against the bed. He'd stopped shaking, but he looked completely wrung out in its place. Victor kept him close, rubbing his hands over him soothingly.

“Sorry...” Yuuri spoke again, “For freaking out.”

“You have every right to your emotions, my love,” Victor said right away, “I'm the one who was in the wrong.”

“What? No,” Yuuri frowned at him, looking much more 'with it' than he had a few moments ago.

“I'm the one who asked for something that intense without discussing it first. We should have talked about this,” Victor insisted, “Fuck, we weren't even supposed to be having a scene, and I just sprang it on you... I'm so, _so_ sorry. I'm upset with _myself_ for causing you to drop.”

“Oh,” Yuuri said, his eyes going distant for a moment, “I thought I was just having an anxiety attack...”

“I'm sure the anxiety isn't helping...but you're in drop, Yuuri,” Victor said gently, brushing his husband's bangs out of his face.

“Is that why...I...I feel like I'm a horrible dom?” Yuuri confessed, a few tears leaking out the sides of his eyes again. “ _I'm_ supposed to be the one holding _you_. I couldn't even get us cleaned up afterward...”

“You're an amazing dom, Yuuri, I'm lucky to have you,” Victor contradicted him, “You tried to give me something beyond your limits, because I asked for it. It's not your fault. You shouldn't have had it asked of you like that...”

Yuuri closed his eyes, nodding just the barest amount in agreement.

“And you can still clean me up,” Victor prompted, “I think it might make you feel a little better if you did...”

“A bath, maybe?” Yuuri said, like he was asking for permission.

“I'd love to bathe with you, my love,” Victor assured him.

“I can wash you down,” Yuuri nodded, “I'll make sure you're ok.”

“You always do,” Victor agreed, kissing his husband's cheek. Yuuri guided him up off the bed and Victor let himself be lead to the bathroom. He sat obediently on the closed toilet seat while Yuuri fiddled with the temperature of the water. His husband was very attentive in making sure Victor was clean all over, washing and conditioning his hair for him too. Victor did his best to encourage him with kind words, soft touches, and overall trust. He could tell Yuuri was still combating feeling like a failure as a dom more deeply than he was letting on. The best thing Victor could think to do was show him how grateful he was for Yuuri's excellent care.

“Victor...” Yuuri started, in the midst of drying him off, “You'll tell me if you need anything, right?”

“Of course I will. At the appropriate times,” he added, “There's no one else I trust like you.”

“But... You shouldn't have to hold back because of me...” Yuuri said, gripping the towel too tightly.

“Yuuri, learning the appropriate time for things is a part of life. You wouldn't do a strip tease in the middle of the grocery store, or work on your taxes while skating,” Victor said, trying to lighten the mood.

“I'm being serious,” Yuuri frowned.

Victor sighed, prying Yuuri's fingers off the towel so he could hold his hands. “So am I, my love... Back when we were competing, we knew not to have heavy conversations right before a competition. Not because we thought the other wasn't capable of having the conversation, but because it wasn't the right time for such things. You know that. This is the same kind of thing. I will always, _always_ tell you what I need or want. Because I trust you with it. I just need to be considerate about it too.”

“I hate that I'm so fragile that you have to tip toe around me,” Yuuri said angrily, a few hot tears spilling down his face.

“Oh, Yuuri, you're _not_ ,” Victor said, pulling him into his arms, “You're so strong. You're the strongest person I've ever met. You never give up. Moving forward when everything's going great is easy. It's getting up after a fall that's difficult.” Victor stopped himself from elaborating too much, not wanting to put Yuuri on the track of examining how many times he'd 'fallen' in his life.

“Do you need anything right now?” Yuuri asked, not loosening his hold.

Normally Victor would have said something like 'just you', but he wanted to give Yuuri at least some small accomplishments to hold onto in the moment. “Just to get dried off and dressed.”

That seemed to firm Yuuri's resolve. He nodded, taking the towel back and finish up drying off Victor's skin. His husband stayed focused on getting him dressed next, choosing Victor's favorite soft clothing for him.

“You're so good to me,” Victor thanked him.

Yuuri gave him a smile that said he was trying, though clearly not all the way there yet. That was ok though, Victor would be shocked if Yuuri came out of this quickly. If anything, he figured his husband's anxiety would probably delay the process.

“Can we cook dinner together?” Victor asked once they were both clothed.

“That sounds good,” Yuuri answered.

Even though he relaxed by degrees as the evening went on, this was definitely one of those times that Victor wished he had a window into Yuuri's mind. He could tell it was still churning, but not _exactly_ what was going through it. Victor would love nothing more than to be able to give specific counters to each of Yuuri's less than favorable thoughts. He knew from experience though, that pestering him to tell him what he was thinking would not go over well.

Victor was determined to handle this in a way that was as beneficial as possible to his husband's overall mental health. He held one thing in his mind above all else as he tried to help Yuuri, which was to stay close to him. Victor knew his words wouldn't always be right, but he hoped his actions spoke louder than them at a time like this.

Yuuri burst into tears again during the middle of dinner. Even without anything building up to it, it didn't surprise Victor. He dropped his fork and pulled Yuuri into his arms right away, holding him securely against his chest as the flood gates reopened.

“I'm sorry,” Yuuri sobbed, face buried against the fabric of Victor's shirt.

“Shhhh, shhhh,” Victor said soothingly, rocking him slightly. “It's ok.”

“But it's _not_. You could have _died_ ,” Yuuri said, _clinging_ to him as if they'd just made a narrow escape from the fate he described seconds ago.

Victor's mind raced, trying to think of a way to allay Yuuri's fears without lying to him. “But I didn't,” he said. “I trusted you to ease into it, to go slowly with me, like you always do with something new,” he elaborated.

“What if I hadn't though? What if I'd gotten lost in the moment, what if I'd taken it too far?” Yuuri cried, his voice laced with an edge of fear that Victor had never heard from him before.

“Oh, my love... You didn't. You _didn't_ ,” Victor kept repeating while he sorted through his thoughts. He squeezed Yuuri back just as tightly as he was being squeezed himself. “I'm ok, I'm right here. I'm just fine,” he rubbed Yuuri's back, hoping the motion would ground him.

“I don't... I can't...” Yuuri started, choking up each time he tried to speak.

Victor kept rubbing his back, staying quiet and letting him find his words.

“I can't... _do that_ ,” Yuuri finally got out, like he was afraid his declaration would be the straw that broke the camel's back, like everything was falling apart around him because of his inability to come to terms with it, but he still just _couldn't_.

“Oh my God, Yuuri, of course not. We're never going to do that again, ok? Don't worry about it,” Victor assured him, silently kicking himself for not having explicitly stated it earlier.

“But, you deserve someone who can give you what you need...” Yuuri whispered, sounding defeated.

Victor's eyes widened involuntarily at hearing that, a little shock of panic running through him at the direction his husband's thoughts were taking. “ _Yuuri_ ,” he breathed out. Firmly repositioning them so he could look directly at Yuuri's face, Victor laid bare all the love and devotion he had within him in that moment. “I _don't_ need it. It was a curiosity, a _want_ only. What I _need_ , what I can't live without, is _you_ , ok?” Victor pleaded for him to understand.

“But-”

“No buts,” Victor said firmly, his eyes searching Yuuri's earnestly.

Yuuri began to cry again, the tears welling up on their own, independent of his previous sobs.

“There's no one else who could ever be as perfect for me as you. There's no one else I could ever love as much as I love you, _cbd_ ,” Victor reminded him, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

As Yuuri looked into his eyes again, Victor got to watch the realization click. He got to see all the irrefutable proof of how long he'd been alone before finding his perfect match suddenly reassert itself in Yuuri's brain. He knew it wouldn't be an end to the drop, but he did finally feel like he'd done something _right_.

“Oh...” Yuuri blinked, “Oh...” It took a few more moments, but he finally nodded, “Ok,” leaning weakly against Victor's chest again.

Victor cradled him reverently, feeling like he'd dodged a bullet. If Yuuri's self esteem crashed to the point where he truly thought Victor was better off without him, Victor didn't know _what_ he would do... Probably follow him around pathetically until the man finally realized how wrong he was... All he knew for sure was that he'd never be able to live without Yuuri, that it could _never_ be best for them to be apart.

 

Yuuri was in top drop for five days. Victor had serious, concrete plans to suggest getting outside help if he didn't come out of it on his own after a week. Well, not literally _on his own_ , of course, but on his own in the sense of it being without professional help.

The first couple days they spent mostly in bed, since Yuuri could barely be prodded to leave it. Victor lifted Makkachin up and down into it with them, since he couldn't jump that high anymore in his old age. Izyum had no problem with it though, bringing Yuuri his favorite toys throughout the day in an effort to make his human feel better. The only times Yuuri got up were to go on quick walks with the dogs. Victor wasn't exactly _afraid_ to leave him alone, but he knew Yuuri's brain couldn't be trusted right then. Yuuri just wanted to be held, the physicality of the comfort doing the most good for him.

The second day Victor had to fend off Yurio and Otabek, who had brought Yuuri soup and get-well wishes. Or rather, Yurio had shoved the container of soup into Victor's hands so hard it might as well have been thrown, and Otabek had stoically wished them a speedy recovery.

Victor fake pouted as he fed it to Yuuri afterward. “Yurio never brings soup when I'm sick,” he sighed.

“Now that Beka's here, he's a good influence,” Yuuri deferred, blushing slightly.

“No, it's just that Yurio _likes_ you, while he only _tolerates_ me,” Victor corrected, smiling happily.

Yuuri gave a little huff of disagreement before he accepted the next bite of soup.

“You have so many people who love you, my Yuuri,” Victor added fondly, knowing the man needed reminding of it occasionally.

Yuuri looked at him, giving a small nod after a moment. It wasn't very enthusiastic, but Victor would take it.

 

There was a moment on the third day that Yuuri felt like maybe he should just go ahead and take some of the medication he'd been prescribed in the past... But he eventually talked himself out of it, afraid it might actually make things _worse_. There was a small amount of research on the very real chemical reactions that took place in the brain when a sub was down in subspace, but none on drop.

Yuuri confessed his concerns about it to Victor, who caught him looking at the pill bottle intensely.

“My love, some of those side affects are the exact _opposite_ of help...” Victor pointed out gently, “If you were to react badly due to the drop...” he trailed off, not wanting to even _speak_ the worst of it into the air between them.

“I know... That's why I hesitated,” Yuuri admitted, “I don't think it's worth the chance...”

“Yuuri, if you're having that much trouble, then we should make you an appointment and get a professional opinion,” Victor urged him, his tone loving and sincere.

“It's not...” Yuuri tried to find words for how he was feeling, “I mean, I've felt worse than this in the past? I just...” he shrugged.

“My love, this isn't a game of one-upping the past,” Victor said, “There are probably quite a few times when you tried to push through things you shouldn't have without the medication...”

“I know... It's not so bad that I feel like I'm having a _panic_ attack, though... And, I really don't want to have to explain how I ended up in top drop to anyone either...” Yuuri admitted, “Can we just try giving it the full week first, like you said before?” he asked hopefully.

Victor agreed, but Yuuri could tell it was reluctantly, and probably due in large part to him not wanting to upset Yuuri further by _forcing_ him into anything...

“Alright, since that's what we already discussed. But I'm taking you in _on day seven_ if you're still going through this by then,” Victor said firmly.

Yuuri nodded, letting himself be pulled into Victor's arms and snuggled into their comfort, no matter how his thoughts were telling him he wasn't worthy of it.

 

A stroke of genius hit Victor on day four, which he later knew made an actual contribution toward the eventual improvement in Yuuri's mood. After breakfast, before Yuuri had a chance to truly settle into listlessness, Victor swept him into his arms right in the middle of the kitchen.

“Dance with me,” he asked affectionately, hoping his husband would humor him.

Yuuri's face visibly relaxed at hearing the request, and he slotted himself into Victor's arms more firmly.

“Of course,” he answered, giving Victor a small smile.

That smile felt like hope for the future, victory in the moment, and a lasting legacy all rolled into one.

Victor spun them over the tiled floor, laughing when he had to sacrifice some of his fancier moves due to the slickness of their socks. Yuuri _giggled_ when Victor nearly made them collide with the breakfast bar in his miscalculations. God, if all it took was acting like a fool to cheer his husband up, then Victor would gladly wear a jester's hat for the rest of his life... As it was though, he laughed with him and grinned the grin of a fool in love. Victor knew that mental health was, in reality, more like a delicate dance itself, something to take seriously if you wanted it done right. Sometimes you just needed some seriously lighthearted coaxing though.

He vowed silently as they laughed to never forget it again.

 

It wasn't until midway through the fifth day that Yuuri really felt like he'd come out of it. The whole thing had seemed like living through one long, drawn out anxiety attack to him. His thoughts wouldn't cooperate, his chest felt tight, and his emotions had been all over the place. Yuuri had never been so thankful for Victor's constant loving support. In the middle of it, he'd struggled with feeling worthy of it. Now he could see it as a natural part of his husband's love for him.

He and Victor had taken a morning nap, with the dogs of course, and when Yuuri stretched awake afterward, he felt a sense of contentment come over him, more than anything else. He smiled for being able to feel something like contentment again. Victor still treated him softly for the rest of the day, but Yuuri didn't mind. He could see in Victor's eyes that he noticed the shift too.

“I'm making katsudon for dinner tonight,” Victor declared later that evening as he began prepping for their meal. He was the only one outside Yuuri's family to be graced with the secret recipe in three generations, which he knew was endlessly amusing to Yuuri.

“Why?” Yuuri chuckled, leaning his head against his palm as he watched his husband, “I've been retired for almost a year now, I haven't won anything.” He intended the teasing tone as a signal between them, that things were going to be fine.

Victor gave him a knowing look across the counter, setting down the pans to turn his full attention on Yuuri. It wasn't that he dismissed Yuuri's signal, not at all. He just wanted to make a point of certain things, and this was the perfect opportunity.

“Not all battles are fought on the ice, my love. Sometimes not giving up is the most difficult battle of all to fight,” he said, leaning over and cupping Yuuri's cheek, “You didn't give up, and that's winning.”

Yuuri teared up a little, but it wasn't from a negative emotion. He smiled, nodding his head against Victor's palm.

“I love you too, Vitya.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was the single most emotionally draining thing I have ever written. I hope you enjoyed it, lol.


End file.
